Could You Juggle For Me...PLEEEEASE?!

Over Christmas Justin decided to juggle for Shelby. Little did we know that she'd get such a kick out of it. Unfortunately, the newness has worn off. Justin has tried time and time again to get that sweet giggle, but I think Shelby is stubborn like her mother...uh...I mean father!! The video is from Christmas, the time of the giggles!! Don't you just love her big belly. She does a perfect Santa - her big belly like a bowl full of jelly!

Garden of the Gods

If you look at any photography book on Colorado, there is guaranteed to be at least two pictures of Garden of the Gods, which is an incredibly beautiful park in Colorado Springs. The man who owned the park willed the property to the city of Colorado Springs before he died, with one condition: that it forever remain free to the public to visit.

As a photographer, I try to avoid taking cliche photographs that you see everywhere; the ones that are undoubtedly beautiful but have been photographed so many times that you get sick of looking at them. Garden of the Gods is a place where cliche photographs are made everyday. But it is also a place where seemingly endless photographic opportunities exist. We had some unexpected accumulating snow Friday night, so I thought I would give the Garden some more camera time on Saturday.

Snow + Shelby = Joy

We finally put Shelby in one of her snowsuits today...I don't think we have seen anything crazier or cuter! She loves the snow, but more importantly, she says she can't wait until she can ice climb!

We're Back!

I never realized how frustrating the internet could be. Ever since we got back from Texas, our internet connection has been incredibly slow and inconsistent. Blogging has been too time consuming, which explains why we haven't posted since the beginning of the month. It looks as if our internet connection has finally been fixed, so look for more blogs! This picture was taken last weekend on Monarch Pass on the Continental Divide...I have never seen more snow in this area before! It is unreal.

Christmas at Oma and Opa's!!

We also made it down to Austin to visit Justin's parents, Oma and Opa (which means Grandma and Grandpa in German). We had a fabulous time seeing Justin's parents and his sisters Jen (Justin's twin) and Meredith. Erin, Justin's other sister, couldn't make it and she was missed very much. We played around the world ping pong - tons of fun and I think someone (whose name I won't mentioned) actually tinkled in her pants from laughing! Justin's family loves to make fun of each other in a very playful way. It has taken some time, but this trip I really got into myself and threw a few jabs. We always have a super time, but I think for me this was the best visit we've had.

Unfortunately, Jen took most of the pictures with her camera and we don't have access to her pictures just yet, so until then this is what you get!!

This is a picture of Shelby with Opa. She loves her Opa!!!

This is Jen, looking her finest!!

And Mere too - lookin' good Mere!!

And this one is Oma and Opa playing ping pong. I actually think having a ping pong table may be in our future! We had so much fun as a family around the ping pong table. Who needs the dinner table when you have ping pong!! :)

Christmas with Friends!!

My good friends were able to stop by and see Shelby (some for the first time) while we were in Texas!! They were quick visits, but priceless. I'm so thankful that you were each able to take time away from your families during the holidays to stop by!!! Shelby may not remember it, but it will always be a special memory for me!

Here is me and Christine. Silly me didn't get one of Shelby with Christine. Christine, email me one of yours and I'll post it!!

Here is Shelby and Lori!!! Lori brought her sweet little boy, Cole to come over and play. When she stopped by, Whitney and her little boy Elijah were there, as well as my brother and sister-in-law and their two kids, Brendan and Corinne. It really felt like a play-date!!! Kids were everywhere!!

This is me and Shelby with Holly and her little boy Will. I think Will was smitten with Shelby. He sure was grinning at her and even planted a sweet little kiss on her! Oooh, Shelby's first sweetie! :)

And this is me and Shelby with Whitney and Elijah. Oh, and who is that sweet, tiny baby Whitney is holding?! That is beautiful Aydia Ann Terrell, born on Christmas Day at 5:00 in the morning!!!! Whitney came by and saw us a few days before Christmas, so I was so happy to see her pregnant, and then we got to see her on New Year's Eve before we flew back to Colorado!! She's beautiful Whitney!!!

Christmas at Mema and Papa's

We started our Christmas vacation in Arlington. Shelby was finally able to spend some good quality time with my parents, Mema and Papa. We also were able to visit with my brother and sister-in-law and their kiddos. Justin and Dad took many trips to Starbucks (typical), and Mom and I got in some good ol' mother-daughter time. Christmas Day was fun!!! Shelby was inundated with presents, so Justin and I ended up opening most of them. By the time the gifts were done, Shelby was ready for a nap. It was a great first Christmas for her!!

Shelby and Mema (my mom)


Shelby and Papa (my dad)

Shelby and her cousins, Brendan and Corinne. Notice a trend with the thumb?! She just started that about three weeks ago. It's so cute, but it's going to be tough to get her to quit!

Getting Ready for Christmas

So, it's been a while since my last post. Things have never been better!! We spent about a week and a half in Texas for Christmas!! I have several posts to catch up on, starting with putting up Christmas decorations at home.

Shelby thought that the Christmas tree would taste good! Shortly after this picture she spit it out...thank goodness. I especially enjoyed putting up the decorations this year, having a new baby and all. But of course she was pretty much oblivious to it all. She just wanted to put everything in her mouth. Mmm, stuffed Santa pillow! Mmm, Santa cookie jar! Mmm, Christmas tree!!!





These are after the tree was finished! She wasn't as intrigued with it as I thought she would've been. She actually ended up taking a nap while we set up the big tree. I just knew that when she woke up she'd be surprised to see it! But of course she could've cared less. Maybe next year!!

I Know He Will Answer

"Lord, I wait for you to help me. Lord my God, I know you will answer." Psalm 38:15

I feel this wholeheartedly. Since my last post I have felt all of your thoughts and prayers...God is listening. He has made me feel empowered and at peace. I know that the battle is not done, that the devil will continue to tempt me and push me close to the edge, but I know my God hears me and pulls me close to Him. I know He is calling me, and I must do my best to hear Him.

Thank you to everyone for your love and support, whether you commented on my post, called, or emailed. Thank you for your prayers and for helping me to see that I'm not alone. It's so easy to want to mask the difficult things in our lives, but I've found that when we are honest with each other we find both support and peace.

I love you all.

Cut the Crap

Sorry if the title is offensive to anyone! I'm joining a very small group of ladies from church on Wednesday nights. They meet after church and get down and dirty, discussing real problems and issues that we're facing. It's actually the preacher's wife, our worship minister's wife and one other lady. They've been meeting for a little while already, and when I talked to our preacher's wife about some issues I'm facing she extended the invite to me! I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not!!! :) Here's the situation (and before I start, let me warn you...I've been to about six different counselors over the years, so I find it fairly easy to air my dirty laundry).

Let me start by saying that I love my daughter and husband more and more as each day passes. They are the light in a sometimes dark world. They bring me everlasting joy and happiness and I find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with them each day. Justin is such an amazing father and husband. I love to see him play with and care for Shelby. They are such an amazing pair!

In spite of this, I am realizing that the devil has his hand around me when it comes to dealing with stress and frustration. I find myself getting angry at stupid things - being five minutes late for church, Shelby getting distracted when I'm trying to feed her, not being able to find something to wear. I am also realizing that I don't have a healthy coping mechanism. Some of you know, but many of you probably don't know, that I dealt with bulimia for almost ten years. It started my sophomore year in high school (1993). God took it from me in 2002. It was such a heavy burden that was lifted. I could finally be an honest person, to myself, my parents, my friends. It had consumed me for so long that I had to actually find myself all over again. Unfortunately, the one thing I didn't find was how to deal with stress. The bulimia started at a time in my life when adult-like issues came about. I had to deal with death, dating (or the lack thereof), college, dating again (a couple of unfortunate relationships). I used binging and purging as my way of dealing with, well basically anything. So now that the bulimia is a part of my past, I'm dealing with adult issues and trying to do so without a healthy way to cope.

All of this being said, let me stress to you that I am not the victim here, and I ask that you not sympathize with me. The true victims are Justin and Shelby. It hasn't happened many times, but when I do get angry...I GET ANGRY. I will literally throw a tantrum...no...a tirade. I'm throwing things, screaming, thrashing through my closet, stomping on the floor, throwing myself onto the bed. It's ugly. And when I look around I see the face of my husband - confused, scared, hurt. And I look again - Shelby. Where is Shelby? Oh thank God she is not in the room. Oh how I pray she never sees me get this upset. I am thankful that I have enough sense to leave the room to dispel this nasty behavior.

Justin and I met with our preacher and his wife to discuss the topic. They are amazing - so truthful and raw. She shared with me how she has issues with anger as well. She let me know that I am not alone, and that I can conquer this with God's grace. It was at this "meeting" that she invited me to take part in the Cut the Crap get-togethers.

I'm not sure what compelled me to write about this. I feel a pull to open myself up and be honest. Maybe as an accountability? Maybe to open the door for future discussion? Definitely for prayers for myself, my husband, my daughter. And as I feel the need to justify to everyone that we are happy, that our marriage is stronger than ever, and that my love for Shelby is indescribable, I'm reminded of how strong the devil's grip is. Pride, too, is a strong emotion.

Signature Shelby Shots

Temporary Relief from the Fall Drought

We finally got some moisture last night and today in the form of one inch of powdery snow! And it's COLD! It's hard to believe that Monday was 75 degrees!

Visit from "Auntie" Christine

My best friend Christine, who I miss beyond what words can express, surprised me last weekend. Justin told me he was going to the airport to pick up our friend Matt, which I completely believed because Matt travels for his work fairly often. The odd thing was that on Wednesday night at church I ran into Matt and asked him about his business trip he was supposedly taking. He told me he was leaving on Thursday evening, flying to Ohio to take a client to lunch on Friday and then flying home Friday evening. I actually said, "that sure is an expensive lunch" and all he could say was, "I just do what I'm told." Anyway, Justin goes to pick up Matt and comes home with Christine!!!!!!!! I just stared at her and said, "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" I kept looking at her and then at Justin, back at her, back at Justin. Needless to say, I was beyond surprised! And I truly needed it.

The night before I had cried to Justin about how much I miss my wonderful childhood friends back in Texas. Moving wasn't too hard, but now that we all have kiddos it's extremely difficult. Why is it so hard for me to make new friends?? My last years of college I really started keeping more guy friends, so now girls have a huge tendency to really tire me!! Of course my lifelong friends have a waiver on the things that annoy me now, so if any of the following statements involve a conversation we've ever had, IT DOESN'T APPLY TO YOU!! :) My good friends can do almost anything and it doesn't bother me, but when it comes to girls I've met post-college, they unfortunately have to be absolutely perfect or I simply get..well...annoyed. Believe me, I'm not proud of it and I wish I could shake this funk I'm in, but it's tough. So, examples of what I can't handle from girls..."what should I wear?" I DON'T CARE!!! "Are you bringing your purse?" Why does that matter?! If you want your purse, bring your purse! "What do you think about my new shoes?" Honestly, nothing. "Do you want to go get coffee?" That depends, will you be there? Then no. "You should go on the women's retreat at church! it's a get-to-know you retreat, with games, snacks and chit chat!!" Just the idea of that wears me out...I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Is there something wrong with me? It's such a catch 20-20 with me. I am upset that I don't have many friends here in Colorado, but when the opportunity shows itself to have a new friendship I tend to either choose not to nurture it or to find something about her that I can't deal with. Am I Chandler???? You know, he always finds things wrong with women, like her head is too big or she laughs funny. Is that me???

This little onesie was embroidered by Christine's husband's mom. It says class of 2029 and it's Maroon for Texas A&M!! I can't believe she'll graduate in 2029. It's so surreal to me.

A sunset, a cold sunrise, and the San Juan Mountains

This picture was taken a week ago today on our ascent of Wetterhorn Peak in the San Juan Mountains, undoubtedly the most beautiful and majestic range in Colorado, and perhaps, in all the world. That could be a stretch, but they are truly breathtaking. To right of the last hiker is Uncompahgre Peak, the 6th highest 14er in Colorado. Despite the warm fall and little snow so far this fall/winter, the San Juans have held far more snow than we predicted. Needless to say, the views were gorgeous. More pictures can be seen at www.flickr.com/photos/dinger

Shelby the Heifer

I know this post is a few weeks late, but as we all know too well, life has gotten away from us. These pictures are better late than never, though. Shelby loved being a cow...the look on her face says it all. Jen, thanks so much for the costume!